Perfect Tears

by Color Theory

supported by
Sylvia Odhner
Sylvia Odhner thumbnail
Sylvia Odhner I just love this album. These are some of my favorite songs. My favorite Color Theory song of all is For Good, which speaks to me as the kind of unconditional love that I want to embrace in my life. But my favorite lyric is from Until Last Night: "I never knew I could see so far in your eyes that our bodies could blend like perfect tears falling from my face to meet on yours." Favorite track: For Good.
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1.
Overtime Home by nine Watch TV to loosen up my mind Pay the bills Earn a wage Just enough to keep it all the same Somehow life slips away Good or bad it's just another day On my own in this world Safe and sound But I don't want to stare out the window I don't want to stare all of my life Don't want to be afraid to remember What I might have dared What could be mine I don't want to stare out the window I don't want to stare all of my life All of my life... Back in my rebel phase I stood out in all the normal ways Held a dying man's faith That my art would be my resume But that man passed away Right or wrong it's not for me to say Here at home in my room Safe and sound Cause I feel like there is Someone watching over me And that something is Supposed to happen now If it's all by design Keep on watching I won't let you down.
2.
Do you think of me? I remember you every spring April matinees Rainy days and the flowers they bring The thorny sting You asked me then In a year from now where will we be? And I didn’t know But I never wanted to be Just another man that you once admired Burned to ashes in your bonfire April dear, you will always be Someone special in my history You cleanse your soul By destroying your diary A ritual Setting fire to pictures of me To set you free A sacrifice But the memories still smolder within Now what will you do When you want to see me again? I burned you too Back in our day I never knew That love could cause such pain.
3.
Spent a lonely day on an empty street Perfect hideaway for a New Year’s Eve Spent a lonely year at ambition’s grave But I’m free and clear on New Year’s Day And I wonder where you’ve been Where we’re going all this time In these same old shoes And I wonder Well I wonder Yeah I wonder I could reminisce for an hour or two But I’ll have to miss Got some things to do Won’t you tell my friends And the king of beers I can’t make amends for a wasted year Can you save my kiss for a better year? Cause when midnight hits I’ll be out of here And I wonder what we’ve done How we somehow keep on going In this stale old skin And I wonder Well I wonder Yeah I wonder Do you wonder?
4.
Late night Sunday 2000 miles left to go I still love you But I’m trying to let it go We knew it all along Three months of counting down the days Now you’re going home to stay I resent the strained politeness Cross-country conversation gives I drive in silence Self-titled king of distances The Vegas lights ahead Like a fallen chandelier Why did I ever volunteer For this trip to nowhere? I gave you everything The perfect performance Prepackaged memories In wallet-size portraits We’ve come so many miles But now I can’t go much farther for you This is the final duty Of a long distance martyr Wednesday morning 500 miles left to go Almost on empty My resolve is running low You say “that’s good enough” “I can walk the rest from here” A playful smile from ear to ear How can you desert me? All my life I dreamed of finding someone Ruled you out Maybe too soon to tell Charted our final destination Wanted to end it well Keeping alive the memories So maybe in time You will come back to me.
5.
Now I Know 03:19
I brush my teeth And put the book I’m reading Back on the shelf Then dial six numbers on the phone Before I catch myself For the first time in seven months I can go straight to bed No need to call you up And document the day’s events I meant it when I said that This would be our final fight So take this silence as my way to say So long, goodnight From here on out my time is my own I think of you whenever the phone rings Now I know I miss you I figure I’m long overdue To spend some time with my friends As retribution for the parties That I didn’t attend I’m sure they understood That I could never follow through Out of the obligation To devote my time to you From here on out I’m making amends It’s like the old days Back with my friends again Now I know I miss you From here on out it’s “me” and not “us” So how come All they want to discuss is you? Now I know I miss you I’ve had a lot of time To think about my life Suddenly simple and convenient But I can’t shake this feeling Faintly bittersweet Somehow incomplete without you It may amaze you to discover That my life can be ran Without the constant arguments About our future plans From here on out I’m playing by ear I’ve known you exactly a year today Now I know I miss you From here on out it’s out of my hands I wouldn’t mind Discussing those plans again Now I know I miss you Now I know I miss you Now I know I love you.
6.
Looking at the floor I declare I can’t go on wasting all my time on you Trying to ignore your despair As tears splash down Naming every flaw of yours Like a grocery list I never felt the way that you feel I never knew my words could heal Don’t have to look in your eyes to see The guilt reflected in me Hope you threw away that self-help book I bought for you Like I only wanted to help Nothing was too small to overlook I tried hard to Concentrate on your mistakes To conceal my own Sorry to have been so obscene Would you accept my sincere apologies? Didn’t have to prove anything It had to end But with gentle words Instead of a shouting match.
7.
I can’t lift myself off the ground By the belt loop of my jeans I’m often told to know myself But I’m not sure what that means If I remember what I’ve done Can I know what I’ll do next? But when I’m conscious all along I can’t put it to the test The truth is always true I do the things I do Each prediction is self-fulfilling If I don’t know myself then Can I be my own person? Isn’t conforming easy? I’d rather just be ordinary & free Someday I’ll choreograph my life Dancing to a different drum Until I hear that solo beat I’m content to play along I can pretend to understand What it is I want to be Maybe it’s everything I’m not But it’s all the same to me I mirror what I see And most conveniently Everyone loves their own reflection Maybe you’ve looked inside yourself Spotted patterns in the clouds But was it you observing you Or the other way around? How many others did you see All responding to your name? Could it be you’re the only one? Could it be we’re all the same? There’s no one else to know We make it as we go Redefining our limitations If I don’t know myself then Can I be my own person? Isn’t conforming easy? I’d rather just be ordinary & free That’s me.
8.
Faces 03:58
You’re at my house at midnight To reconcile I call you “honey” by mistake It’s been awhile We all fall back Into our old familiar roles Why do we have so many faces? Sometimes the way we act Is out of our control Why do we have so many faces? I know I wasn’t the first You’ve done this to It’s just a pattern you play out A dance you do We all fall back into Our old familiar roles Why do we have so many faces? Sometimes the way we act Is out of our control Why do we have so many faces? How can I trust you and your faces? It’s easy to go back to The tried and true But I’ll create myself again With someone new Still every time you walk in my life I am that desperate lonely boy Who blindly reaches out for you But that’s not really me.
9.
Acting Class 04:22
Act I: The Quiet Life I sit alone all day Far removed from center stage I memorize my lines A thousand words I’ll never say Preparing for the big audition I call you on the phone In the morning Saturday You ask if everything’s okay And wait so patiently Through the awkward silences I never have the nerve to ask you Childhood wishes Dirty dishes I will show you everything Act II: The Butterfly They typecast me as dull I deserve a better role An understudy to the man That sleeps inside of this cocoon I will rise above this stage fright Still I have the butterflies In my stomach In my heart Life is a performance art Someday soon I’ll speak my soul Shed my skin and fly away Free of every inhibition A reversal through rehearsal I want some understanding I want some understanding An acting class will teach me To be myself completely I want some understanding I want some understanding Nobody knows for certain What lies behind the curtain Act III: The Final Bow Class is beginning finally Three units of group therapy Twenty people in a room Wearing many different lives Like picking clothes For an important party Still I have the butterflies In my stomach In my heart Life is a performance art Someday soon I’ll speak my soul Shed my skin and fly away Free of every inhibition A reversal through rehearsal.
10.
For Good 04:48
Your jaw is clenched Preparing for the worst A pessimist is always on alert Your life has had its share of tragedy But standing guard takes too much energy Forget about abandonment Forget your childhood Count on me cause I am here for good Your parents split in 1992 But you’re the only one who’s blaming you And though you haven’t Seen your father since When I reach out to touch you Still you wince When will you let yourself love me more? When will you let yourself love me All the way? I love the way you radiate An inner strength and pride And holding back is sometimes justified We need to shield ourselves from violence But love demands a lack of self-defense Forget about abandonment You know I never would Trust in me cause I am here for good.
11.
Souvenir 04:03
It sometimes seems My dreamer’s dreams Are downright laughable I shrug my shoulders to the world Questioning my every syllable You always understand And take my hand so naturally When I don’t trust myself Still you believe in me When every faith Has been replaced by objectivity By my own hands My best laid plans Amount to nothing more than vanity You lift me off the ground And turn around the tragedy When I cry at your feet Still you believe in me This is a souvenir Of a time-honored pact Acknowledgement of Every self-denying act A memento of what it means to be Two as one I always will believe in you And you’ll believe in me.
12.
Until last night when we made love I never knew I could adore you so much To guide your fragile shoulders so carefully And know how safe it is to love you so much And still have room for more Until last night when we made love I never knew I could see so far in your eyes That our bodies could blend like perfect tears Falling from my face to meet on yours I guess I never really understood How I could feel so good Or how two ordinary people Could make the world alright Until last night.

about

Perfect Tears is the culmination of the sound I developed over the previous six years, blending electronic textures with the acoustic piano. The album was in regular rotation on over 40 commercial radio stations in France and Italy. Since the album is so intimate, I promoted it in the US through a series of personal ads.

credits

released October 5, 1999

Color Theory is Brian Hazard

All songs written, performed, and produced
by Brian Hazard (ASCAP) © 1999 except:

Stare Out the Window
Produced and mixed by Keith Gillard
Brian Hazard: vocals, piano
Keith Gillard: keyboards, percussion, programming
Craig Arnatt: guitars
Keith Gillard appears courtesy of Liquid Records Canada

Ordinary & Free
Drum samples by Joel Fountain

Design by Chumpé
Photography by William Hazard
Outgoing leg attached to Nomi Channapragada
Mastered by Resonance Mastering www.resonancemastering.com

Thanks to St. Wilfred's Episcopal Church of Huntington Beach and Golden West College for allowing me to record on their beautiful Yamaha grand piano

Special thanks to the quality control team: Keith Gillard, Michelle Hazard, Sheri Hogan, Dave Harper, Mark Nicholas, Tom Vota, Bill Boocock, Jason Cole, Geoff Ereth, Ivan Mayerhofer, Todd Durrant, Lori Hazard, Amanda Uribe, Dave Pasciuto, and Mark O'Bitz

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Color Theory Huntington Beach, California

Somehow I never outgrew the 80s.

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