Life's Fairytale

by Color Theory

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1.
At 2 p.m. she eats a late lunch by design So that she’ll have some self-control at dinnertime Not much at all gets done on Friday afternoon So who would mind if she should leave a little soon? The welcome breath of open air The daily driving regimen Talk radio to fill her head Until the exit’s missed again At 4 p.m. her second shower of the day She shuts her eyes and lets the workweek wash away Repaints her toes and fingernails Sprays on three dollars of perfume Brushes her teeth And tries on clothes Until they clutter up the room At 6 p.m. she shows up at her friend’s house late We have to eat before the concert starts at eight She says hello to our mutual friends Hugs me a little bit too tight They told me she came just for me And now I see that they were right It does nothing for me But make me sad That you did all this For nothing You had to know that I never saw you As a star in my life’s fairytale Did you think that you’d really change that at all By putting your hair in a ponytail?
2.
So Many Ways 04:18
Everybody has desperate days of quiet questioning Everybody has times when they feel like they don’t fit in Everybody needs someone to listen And say they understand Everybody thinks that the world should Bend to their demands But you know better There are so many ways to find happiness Some of the darkness stays behind, I promise Give it another day I know you in so many ways I’m a believer I’m a believer There are so many ways to fight loneliness So many brighter days in sight, I promise Give it another day Believe that these words can be true I’m a believer I’m a believer too Everybody has different strengths and different weaknesses Everybody has their own goals and their own purposes Everybody tries to measure up to everybody else Everybody sets an unfair standard In how they judge themselves But you know better Whatever you’re going through However hard it seems Just remember that it will surely pass Because change is the only constantly occuring theme When your demons are in full splender And you’re driven to full surrender Just remember that it can never last.
3.
It’s rained for forty days and forty windy nights In artificial light the storm has paled my skin And flooded out my eyes There needs to be a pair of every animal When will a miracle deliver you to me And set this ship to sail? I’m tired of waiting But I’m still here avoiding the puddles Wishing I had an umbrella To shelter myself from this loneliness My socks are soaked My fingers are frozen This is the life that I’ve chosen And when you’ll come back I can only guess I’ll be here when you do The crashing water drops disguise a timid knock I fumble with the lock and check the door again But no one’s ever there The ground has turned to mud The sky has turned to gray The night turns into day without a change in hue I stop and think this through What if I should leave tomorrow? What if I should harden up my heart? What if I should give up hoping? I’m hardly coping At last I realize a new day has begun When like the summer sun you blaze into the room And melt the clouds away I wonder if the light is really here to stay Or will you run away and never come again? Only time will tell But I promise that I’m all done avoiding the puddles With wishing I had an umbrella How can one separate false from true? The warmest sun The bitterest rainfall I want to experience it all There’s no need to shelter myself from you.
4.
Hold You 04:33
To hold you, love you See your smile at the break of day To touch you, know you Want you by me when you’re far away It’s easy to say, but hard to do When you’re in love with some foolish child And everybody just can’t understand They say, “See him, watch him, He will change his mind.” But I see you want him You’re always with him when the lights go down You need him, love him Promises he’ll always stay around It’s easy for me when the daylight’s here It’s easy to be happy when I’m in the crowd But maybe someday I could take his place I want you, need you I won’t change my mind But he holds you, loves you He has you with him at the break of day He’ll touch you, know you Wants you by him though you’re far away If all these things you say are true There’s just one thing I need to know Is this love or lies? Just a flame or a fire? There’s something I need And only you can help To hold you, love you Have you with me when the lights go down To see you, need you Promise me you’ll always stay around.
5.
Fade So Fast 04:06
All these mixed emotions Leave us empty when they're gone Shared a thousand sunsets And now we have none It's all so much a part of us I remember the looks and smiles The sweet smell of rain And desert for miles Remember the music we listened to? The words still linger in my mind And the melody in my heart Still echoes inside It was so perfect for awhile But now it's in the past We want to hold on forever But memories fade so fast The memories fade so fast The heat awakens me As I lie alone in bed I try to picture your face It flickers in my head This life is just illusion Reality doesn't last long But I still smell the rain And remember the songs I hold them close never letting go Seeking a world I'll never find And the melody in my heart Still echoes inside.
6.
At the end of the night It can’t get any darker I shrink from the shadows Cast in fragile moonlight With my back on the headboard I sit on my mattress Clutching my pillow Scared to death of it all At the birth of the stars You come to me at nightfall Laughing at my terror As we struggle and spar When it seems that you’ve won The clock is my savoir The promise of daylight Denies all that you’ve done And I can sleep again I can sleep again At the end of the night My world at peace I can sleep again I can sleep again At the end of the night The nightmares cease Echoes of mundane things In waking dreams repeating Two mirrors face inwards And I’m caught in between When it feels like forever The clock is my savoir It promises daylight At the end of the night And I can sleep again I can sleep again At the end of the night My head is clear I can sleep again I can sleep again It’s the end of the night And hope is here.
7.
The image I saw reversed on the wall Spoke to me Reflected my hopes and told horiscopes Of things to be I promised myself I’d be someone else Long before now The mirror of youth distorted the truth Weighed me down Everything I thought I had to be Was a childish charade Just a myth that I made To look outside myself Everything I thought I had to be Was a thousand-foot wall Since nobody at all Is everything I thought that I had to be I dabbled in schemes and astronaut dreams At age twelve We all need to see a hero-to-be In ourselves An unfounded pride will stumble and slide Into guilt A sense of defeat The ghost of deceit Haunts me still.
8.
No welcome for solicitors Deaf to the knocking of drifters and runaways The former tenants are all but forgotten now Warm yourself by the fire that burns in your name Kick off your shoes Let down your hair I hope that you’ll stay I feel you here in my heart The door opens only for you With no walls to hide what I’m feeling inside Only windows to my soul But the miraculous part Impossible as it may seem You’re free to leave but you always will be Here in my heart Painted in the red of your lips Decorated in the fashion of your sweet smile Furnished in perfect poetry that you inspire How can you help but be yourself? The more you live here in my heart The more that you’ll find I live in yours too It’s a place to call your own After all this time It’s a place to call your own After all this time We have finally found a home After all this time All this time I feel you here in my heart The door opens only for you With no walls to hide what I’m feeling inside Only windows to my soul But the miraculous part Impossible as it may seem You’re free to leave but you’re always with me Cause I feel you here in my heart You’re free to leave but you’re always with me Here in my heart.
9.
Cheerleader 04:13
Why do you need so much attention? Why do you need to be admired? With every eye in your direction What is it we’re supposed to see? What are you saving for the star of the big game? Why won’t you spend an hour with me? But all you say is “go go go!” All you say is “go go go!” No one loves a cheerleader It’s really all about The trophy and the defeat “Go go go!” Don’t you want someone to perceive you Through the sweater and the skirt? Don’t you want someone to respect you For the beauty underneath? Don’t you want someone new to turn this game around? Will you just please go out with me? I could use you in my life But I serve no point in yours A beauty queen of diplomacy It’s not just me who’s keeping score You’ve got me right under your thumb Another fan to be ignored Wide-eyed stupefied by every wild gyration Because you live to be adored But all you say is “go go go!” All you say is “go go go!” We all need a cheerleader To figure out that love Is not just winning a prize “Go go go!”
10.
There’s been a lot of talking From the town where I come from All my friends are saying things Which make me doubt sincerity What is the meaning Of a truth or a lie? What is the meaning Of the things we feel inside? I felt the pain Whenever you smiled Whenever you cried In looking at your eyes The feeling of love swells within my soul Every word that I say Has no meaning when you turn away Why do I stay here When I feel this way? Why do I need to see you On my darkest day? I can see a little boy Reminding me of who I was I can see a little girl She looks like you.
11.
I never thought that I'd see you again Not after the things that we said back then I needed you like a wish needs a star But none of that matters now Here you are You say that I really was good for you That no one else really rings true for you I tell you it just wasn't meant to be You capture my hand and say "Why can't we make believe? Start again, everything new" But I won't see it through It could take a week to remember Why it never worked for us before We all stay the same on the inside Though I wish the outside girl was mine Let's not waste our time A part of me wants to make love right now To forget all these things that I said somehow But my mind and my body don't separate I could donate my heart but it wouldn't take My mistake Lust fulfilled can't create love It's just not pure enough You were once the spirit in my soul Now you're just a ghost from long ago But I've grown up I don't believe in ghosts I can't see you.
12.
I brush my teeth And put the book I’m reading Back on the shelf Then dial six numbers on the phone Before I catch myself For the first time in seven months I can go straight to bed No need to call you up And document the day’s events I meant it when I said that This would be our final fight So take this silence as my way to say So long, goodnight From here on out my time is my own I think of you whenever the phone rings Now I know I miss you I figure I’m long overdue To spend some time with my friends As retribution for the parties That I didn’t attend I’m sure they understood That I could never follow through Out of the obligation To devote my time to you From here on out I’m making amends It’s like the old days Back with my friends again Now I know I miss you From here on out it’s “me” and not “us” So how come All they want to discuss is you? Now I know I miss you I’ve had a lot of time To think about my life Suddenly simple and convenient But I can’t shake this feeling Faintly bittersweet Somehow incomplete without you It may amaze you to discover That my life can be ran Without the constant arguments About our future plans From here on out I’m playing by ear I’ve known you exactly a year today Now I know I miss you From here on out it’s out of my hands I wouldn’t mind Discussing those plans again Now I know I miss you.
13.
Late night Sunday 2000 miles left to go I still love you But I’m trying to let it go We knew it all along Three months of counting down the days Now you’re going home to stay I resent the strained politeness Cross-country conversation gives I drive in silence Self-titled king of distances The Vegas lights ahead Like a fallen chandelier Why did I ever volunteer For this trip to nowhere? I gave you everything The perfect performance Prepackaged memories In wallet-size portraits We’ve come so many miles But now I can’t go much farther for you This is the final duty Of a long distance martyr Wednesday morning 500 miles left to go Almost on empty My resolve is running low You say “that’s good enough” “I can walk the rest from here” A playful smile from ear to ear How can you desert me? All my life I dreamed of finding someone Ruled you out Maybe too soon to tell Charted our final destination Wanted to end it well Keeping alive the memories So maybe in time You will come back to me.
14.
Overtime Home by nine Watch TV to loosen up my mind Pay the bills Earn a wage Just enough to keep it all the same Somehow life slips away Good or bad it's just another day On my own in this world Safe and sound But I don't want to stare out the window I don't want to stare all of my life Don't want to be afraid to remember What I might have dared What could be mine I don't want to stare out the window I don't want to stare all of my life All of my life... Back in my rebel phase I stood out in all the normal ways Held a dying man's faith That my art would be my resume But that man passed away Right or wrong it's not for me to say Here at home in my room Safe and sound Cause I feel like there is Someone watching over me And that something is Supposed to happen now If it's all by design Keep on watching I won't let you down.
15.
Your jaw is clenched Preparing for the worst A pessimist is always on alert Your life has had its share of tragedy But standing guard takes too much energy Forget about abandonment Forget your childhood Count on me cause I am here for good Your parents split in 1992 But you’re the only one who’s blaming you And though you haven’t Seen your father since When I reach out to touch you Still you wince When will you let yourself love me more? When will you let yourself love me All the way? I love the way you radiate An inner strength and pride And holding back is sometimes justified We need to shield ourselves from violence But love demands a lack of self-defense Forget about abandonment You know I never would Trust in me cause I am here for good.

about

Life’s Fairytale was released way back in 2001. It was my most electronic album to date, with only hints of piano. 8 originals, 2 covers, and 5 remixes barely fit on the CD!

credits

released May 29, 2001

Color Theory is Brian Hazard

All songs written, performed, and produced
by Brian Hazard (ASCAP) © 2001 except:

Hold You
Written by Andrew McCluskey/Malcolm Holmes (ASCAP) © 1985

I Felt the Pain
Written by Claude Strilio (BMI) © 1990
Backing vocals by Michelle Hazard

Fade So Fast
Lyrics based on a poem by Will Waldron

Cheerleader
Backing vocals by Nicole Lamothe

Now I Know (Cosmicity's Continuum Transfunction Mix)
Remix by Mark Nicholas of Cosmicity www.cosmicity.com

Long Distance Martyr (Cross Country Misery Mix)
Remix by Steve Sholtes at Interactive, Detroit
Nick Hura appears on snare drum thanks to his parents

Stare Out the Window (Acceptance Mix)
Remix by Paul Rijnders of Anything Box www.anythingbox.com

For Good (Fidgital Remix)
Remix by Keith Gillard of Fidgital www.fidgital.com

Art design by Sheri Hogan
Mastered by Resonance Mastering www.resonancemastering.com

Heartfelt thanks to: Sheri Hogan, Keith Gillard, Mark Nicholas, Steve Sholtes, Paul Rijnders, Michelle Hazard, Todd Durrant, David Richards, Jami Waldron, Mark Stryker, and Bill Boocock

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Color Theory Huntington Beach, California

Somehow I never outgrew the 80s.

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